Sometimes all you need is a little perspective

Well, I’ve been back in Chiang Mai a week… but it feels like I have a month’s worth of stories to tell. It’s amazing how many adventures and misadventures you can have when readjusting to someplace new. While overall things have been going really well, the first week was definitely up and down. Every time I thought I was just starting to settle into normalcy, something would happen to unsettle me, sending me to an emotional high or low.
Things like... my biggest worry being assuaged as my Thai is almost better than before, and I’ve been able to pick right up in my relationships with friends and acquaintances at IMPECT. But remembering why I had those conscious thoughts about taking my last shower in the US.. and remembering how much cold showers wake you up in the morning! Realizing I’m living alone in a white room full of bunks, and in typical Thai style, don’t actually have a mattress.

Seeing my first sunset over Doi Suthep. 

Literally not leaving IMPECT for a few days except to eat with co-workers, and then not being able to leave when I wanted because buses don’t run into the city after 5:00. Seeing my friend Casey from ISDSI again! Eating favorite foods for the first time and having them be just as delicious as I remembered. Successfully translating an entire letter from written Thai to English (a first). Doing a Crossfit workout, and feeling great after not running all week. Deciding to finally rent a motorcycle, finding places open late, and then getting in a fender bender with a car 5 minutes and half a block later. Thinking I was going to be exhorted or thrown in jail, but just having to pay a little for the damages… to these nice young people on their way to a wedding! And still being able to rent the bike. But getting horribly lost on the highways and finally realizing just how big Chiang Mai is.

That is the fast-forwarded version, but not by much, because it all happened over the span of four days. By Saturday, I was realizing why I thought it might be so hard to be here on my own. I was overwhelmed emotionally-- for those reasons and other personal, nostalgic ones-- that I spent most of the day in my room doing work and then skyping with people at home, leaving only to get a haircut. Because that’s always my subconscious way of dealing with times of transition and uncertainty. I get my hair cut! (Yes, for those of you to whom I promised to grow my hair out until the end of the summer... I caved. It was just getting to be too much. It looks much cuter now too.. I was made for short hair!)

My plan was to write a blog post before I left for my first field visit, and those were the things I was going to tell about (because there’s a full story behind most of those little snippets). But being out on my first field visit really helped put all those things in the past, and in context. Soon after we arrived to the meeting, I was out on a motorcycle with my coworker, driving through the countryside to a market, and had the conscious thought, “This is why I wanted to come back to Thailand, to work at IMPECT. This is what I came back for.”

Not that it was all a cakewalk. The meeting we were going to was for a network of villages that the previous phase of the community mapping project worked with, to review the results of the project, talk about ongoing challenges, deliver the maps and community documents, and (hopefully) prepare them to (on their own) do outreach to other villages to be in the next phase of the project . And while this was all fascinating stuff—the end results of the project—they already had dynamics in place that I was not a part of. Everyone knew each other, so introductions didn’t even need to be made. While I tried talking to people and actively involved myself with the women in making the big meal we were to have before the meeting… it was a slow process. I found myself frustrated at the end of the first night when, despite my best attempts, I hadn’t been able to understand any of the four hour meeting, since they were speaking in Baukenyaw (Karen). I followed the broad outline of the agenda and picked out the Thai words that were interspersed, but I’d missed all the content… and barely knew anyone’s name or what village they were from.

But alas, here is where experience helped me. I went to bed exhausted and frustrated on my plank-of-wood bed, telling myself that tomorrow would be better. Tomorrow will be their second day with me. They’ll be more receptive of the outsider. I’ll be less tired and can put myself out there even more. I will get interviews. I will be able to follow things better. This WILL work out!

And it did. I chatted with some people in the morning, and sat by the same women during the meeting. During one of the breaks, I chatted with a woman who had been particularly friendly— my method of getting informal interviews during these visits. We had a great conversation, which boosted my spirits and confidence. I decided that after lunch, I would go for it and ask to interview one of the men that had been most outspoken. This I’d never done before. Last time I was here, I was just an intern, so all my research was informal; this time I’m actually supposed to DO something. And while my intention was to focus on the beginning of the next phase of the community mapping project, these people have already worked with IMPECT on it for three years and will be going out to recruit the new communities… great perspectives that I really need.

After lunch I sauntered over to the group of men, crouching under a tree as they smoked or leaning on motorcycles. After a few minutes of listening to their conversation (and not understanding since they were speaking Karen), I asked one of the Pahti’s if I could ask him a few questions before the meeting started. He said yes, but hesitated a bit, so I said without thinking that a couple people would be fine. What did I end up getting? The two most vocal men and a young guy I’d chatted with a little already. Perfect. We sat on the floor of the meeting room in a circle and I set up my recorder… hoping it would work and wouldn’t hold them back. 45 minutes later, we’d had a great thorough conversation. Having them in a group worked really well—they fed off each other’s answers and could explain questions to each other in Baukenyaw. And while it wasn’t perfect, it was a great start.

Even more than that, I ended up getting a lot out of the meeting in general. One of my co-workers is a young guy from these communities and speaks Karen, Thai, and English (really well), so he was able to fill me in on the previous night and just put me at ease in general. The second day of the meeting had more Thai, and I could even read a lot of what was being written on the board.

And personally, it reinvigorated me. This was what I came for, and while I’m not going to do this research perfectly or answer all the questions I had going in, I can do it. Not just because I’m gaining the skills to do so, but also because the people that I’m working with—the IMPECT staff, the Karen communities—are amazing people with such an open, caring disposition. Who else would open up to an outsider, a random white girl no less, after one day? And who knows, maybe I'll try to learn a little Baukenyaw so I can better and more easily integrate.

Enough of my ramblings. I’ve got a nice long interview to transcribe! But no worries... it’s not all work. I went to the rock climbing gym in CM after we got back last night, and oh did it feel good to climb! Sending my love to you all..