DONE

Nothing will help you get back into school mode more than a string of 12 hour work days. (Or make you less excited about it.. I'm not sure which one.) After last week became 'the lost week' after I got sick, I had to buckle down this week. I spent all of Saturday and Sunday working in the office by myself (except for the Saturday morning I spent back at the hospital for a check up, trying to clarify what's wrong with my silly stomach.) The goal: analyze all the data from our focus group interviews and create a draft report synthesizing... well, everything. I wanted to complete a draft report before leaving so I could share with co-workers and get their feedback.

There was a string of silly self-portrait laptop pictures that resulted from those two days, but I'll spare both you and I the embarrassment of me posting those! 

This week has been more of the same. Working on the report each morning and going to ISDSI each afternoon to (finally) finish translations of audio from interviews.

But after all this, I'm done! The 15 page report is complete (I've never been known for brevity). A little more translation tomorrow, and then meeting with my project director on Saturday to get his feedback on my analysis. 

Three main feelings right now:

1. After 'finishing' the report, I feel both accomplished and like it will never do the experiences justice. On the one hand, it came together well. On the other hand, this is giving me a glimpse into what my SIP writing will be like. I'm going to have a hard time ever feeling like I'm finished, that I've 'gotten it right,' that I've done justice to the work of all these amazing people. More lessons in not demanding perfection and the pitfalls of research are in store, I suppose! 

2. The new students are at ISDSI now, and it's been wonderful to see the familiar faces of friends from K. It's also been really heart-warming to see their bright eyed, excited faces and know the amazing experiences they have in store. Personally, it's been a good way to help me think about my time in Thailand over the last year. I helped with orientation on Monday, and as I sat listening to Ajaan Mark's same introduction to Thai culture, culture shock, and cultural integration, it took me back to one year ago when I was that excited kid in the chuud naksuksa (student uniform). Made me realize how much has happened over the past year, how much I've grown, how much I've changed-- in some ways I hadn't thought about before. 

3. I've been so focused on trying to work while still dealing with tiredness/lack of appetite that 'I leave in a week' had not really begun to sink in. Now it is. I have to think about wrapping up all the little things, saying goodbyes, packing. One of my co-workers asked me at dinner if there's anywhere I want to go before I leave-- something I haven't even thought about. But I'm also feeling like this doesn't have to be a momentous goodbye. Simple, cherishable moments will be more than enough. On Friday, I'm helping the woman from Doi Chang with an application she's writing. Sunday night I'm going to Walking Street with my host family. This week I've tried to make an effort to spend time with my co-workers. These are the 'final things' I'll cherish the most as I look back later. 

Also, many of my co-workers have tried to convince me to stay here. At first they were just jokes, but a few have been serious attempts to persuade me. But don't worry, I'll be getting on that plane Monday night. I have no question in my heart that I should be going back now-- and I'm at complete peace with that because I'm also certain that I'll come back here in the future.